Have a Bowl of Gratitude Soup

Thank YOU! Happy November everyone- I want to start off by saying thank you for showing up and reading my blog, even if the only person who does is my dad!

If you are a survivor of trauma, whether you have PTSD or not, you may find yourself being a bit cynical, rolling your eyes or maybe you feel like throwing up a little whenever you see #blessed scrolling through your feed. For survivors it’s a little bit difficult to feel safe enough to let our guard down, and get connected with our emotional goo.

PTSD Soup

Imagine all of your emotions are like ingredients in a soup. When you have PTSD, or have experienced a traumatic event, it's like the pot is constantly boiling and spitting everywhere; our instincts have basically told us to put a lid on the pot so that we don’t get hurt. The problem with this is that, although we are protecting ourselves from getting burned- we are also preventing ourselves from tasting all the good stuff in the soup.

Conditions such as depression, anxiety, and stress are all symptoms of PTSD, and are all derived from a deep seeded unhappiness. That’s right, you experience these symptoms because you are unhappy, you are not unhappy because you experience these symptoms. I know this seems counterintuitive, but hear me out.

If you were happy, you would feel less stress and anxiety and literally be the opposite of depressed right? I know what you’re thinking “Buuuut, if I wasn’t stressed all the time, or feeling anxious and depressed, I would be happier!” This is the mindF@#! Trauma Survivors often fall into: I’ll be happier when... So, the cure for PTSD is happiness, but the symptoms make me miserable?!… WTF?!

I have spent years in therapy, and have had psychologists often tell me the only way out, is through… I get it, you have to face your demons, feel the feels and do the work. They weren’t entirely wrong, but when I discovered the missing piece, things got a hell of a lot easier.

So how does one “Get Happy”, when you feel miserable, stressed, anxious, and depressed?!

We all have stress inducing things in our lives, work, family, relationships, bills, the pandemic, the political s#!tshow, social unrest, the dog needs to go to the vet, the washing machine ate your favorite fuzzy socks, you haven’t finished your presentation for your zoom call in the morning, your family wants you to host a socially distanced Thanksgiving- to bring everyone together again, the neighbors dogs won’t shut up, the faucet is dripping, you can’t sleep… and you want to put the pillow over your face and scream! AAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!

Feel better? You tilted the lid a little bit and let off a little steam. Great- you took the pressure off for a bit. But quick- put the lid back on because you know the soup is gonna just boil up again.

How do you take the lid off the pot and take a taste of the good stuff without getting burned? One simple trick- turn down the heat!

It’s not always possible to remove all of the stress inducing things in our lives, but there is a way to lessen the amount of stress we experience from these triggers. Yup you guessed it- Gratitude.

For survivors, being grateful is a lot easier than just being happy. For one, gratitude is an easy access emotion because it is specific and targeted whereas, being happy can often feel like an abstract concept, and be more difficult to grasp.

There is an established connection between gratitude and physical health where people who practice gratitude actually have more energy and enthusiasm. The psychological benefits of a regular gratitude practice are significantly reduced stress levels, better sleep, more connected and fulfilled relationships, and gratitude also builds emotional awareness.

Emotional awareness is something trauma survivors often struggle with. We tend to withdraw; i.e. put the lid on the soup and back away slowly. We do this because, when we do take the lid off the pot there are so many emotions boiling up at once, it is often overwhelming; we often forgo enjoying the good stuff for fear of getting a spoonful of the bad stuff - or worse- getting burned.

A daily practice like writing in a gratitude journal, writing a thank you note to someone, or doing a gratitude meditation can make a massive difference in how we are able to manage stress. The best part is, if you’re doing it right, you will actually get an instant boost of happiness. It’s a warm fuzzy feeling in your gut, kinda like eating a warm bowl of soup on a cold day. Keep in mind, it’s called a practice for a reason. You have to keep practicing regularly.

Serve your self a bowl of Gratitude Soup.

My Recipe for Gratitude Soup:

1. I set a series of alarms in my phone and calendar. They are little prompts at random that remind me to stop and breath, and to think of a few things I am grateful for. This helps because it’s a reminder to stay present, it has become a welcome distraction - even if it pops up when I am on a call, or in the middle of writing. There are also apps for this. If you have an iPhone @gratitudealarm is one.

2. I also have a gratitude journal. I don’t write in this everyday, and perhaps I should- but let’s face it, I’m not that disciplined. I keep the journal on my desk and grab it when I’m feeling overwhelmed- I try to write down at least 3-5 things that I am grateful for. This is a great way to reflect on my day, and as a reminder that being grateful for the little things makes it easier to enjoy the bigger things. Also writing by hand versus just thumbing it into your phone, has a much greater impact- Neuroscience says so- but we will get into that later.

3. I often tell people I love them, by telling them how much I appreciate them. I do this with my boo. I am pretty damn grateful for him in my life. I am grateful for the type of relationship we are both committed to practicing. When he does something sweet or even when he calls me on my bullS#!T, I make sure to tell him why I appreciate him for doing it. When I do this, I feel the warm fuzzies all over and I ride that wave for several days, and he feels good because he knows his efforts were worth it.

However you practice it- gratitude is the easiest way to get happy. So take a few minute right now and serve yourself a bowl of gratitude soup. Set an alarm in your phone for a random time to remind you to be grateful for whatever you are experiencing in that moment. Think of someone in your life and send them a little thank you text, or grab your journal and see if you can come up with 5 things you are grateful for today.

Think of it this way -

gratitude is like a gateway drug to happiness.

My 5 things I am grateful for today:

1. I am grateful for my boo's mom- we don't speak the same language, but she reached out to update me, to put my mind at ease.

2. I am grateful for my sister- or I like to call her my A-sister, she has stepped into help me out when I really needed it most.

3. I am grateful for the new opportunities that I have to reach more people, not only growing my business but knowing that I am making a bigger impact by helping more people.

4. I am grateful that it's finally raining- because we needed it, but also because I needed an excuse to be inside today to get some writing done! :)

5. I am grateful for my cozy soft new hoodie- it's a rainy wet day and it's making writing a whole lot easier.

Thanks again for stopping by!

~RC