You Get What You Want Most

So you want something? I told you that you could have it... but no-one is going to just give it to you. You have to decide you want it, more than anything. So let's look at an Outer-self goal. You want to lose 10lbs, so you can look good and start going to the gym. (wait what??? isn't the gym the place you go to get in shape?! yes, or at least it was, now it's the place to get mirror selfies and proclaim your #goals) Anyway back to Adulting...

You want to start running every morning... buuut, not more than you want that extra hour of sleep. So, in that instantaneous moment when your alarm goes off and your arm emerges from under the covers with the wrath of a honey badger, you hit snooze, or even throw your trusty electronic device across the room.

1 hour later, as you realize you are late for work and are scrambling out the door, you shame yourself as you pass by the running shoes and super cute new outfit you laid out to bribe yourself to go running. That is a case of you get that which you want most. You wanted that hour of sleep more than you wanted to run. Another example, you really want that new job. It looks great on paper, it's a well-known company, even the job title sounds fancy. You imagine the money you would be making and even what your business card might look like. You breeze through the first interview, and are totally stoked that you have your second interview scheduled with the head honcho. You are in it to win it... or are you?! You had all the perfect answers planned out to all the interview questions you know they are going to ask.... and you blow it. You start asking questions about paid time off to head to Amsterdam for a month, and even ask the CEO if that's a picture of his mother, knowing full well, it's his wife.

That's not nervousness and interview jitters, that's your subconscious mind stepping in, and telling you that you don't want that job. Maybe it was the sea of stuffy cubicles you walked past on your way to the conference room; or the group of handsome middle-aged woman wearing matching needle point cardigans gathered by the Keurig coffee maker; or the fact that you paid 20$ for parking 6 blocks from the downtown office, or that they only offer 30 minute lunch breaks, or that the office smells like bananas. (I really dislike the smell of bananas!) Whatever the reason, your subconscious mind took over, hijacked your mouth and blew it. For one reason or another, that job, or company, or perspective colleagues don't align with your personal values. You might want that job title, but maybe not for that company. Or maybe, just maybe, you don't want a corporate job even though your parents are urging you to take it for the job security and benefits; maybe you would rather work in a smaller creative operation, or... maybe you don't want a boss, but what you want more is to be the boss. This is true in relationships also. Maybe you really want to stay home because you have had a miserable day at work but your partner really wants to go out and celebrate that new promotion. All relationships, especially healthy ones, have a fair share of compromise. So maybe you are willing to give up your threesome with a bottle of wine and Netflix because you want your partner to be happy, more than you want to pop that cork. You throw on some uncomfortable shoes (that look great by the way!) and you go out and have a great time with your partner. Now, here is the kicker. If you get all dolled up, fancy shoes and all, and are annoyed because the waiter messed up your order, your feet hurt, and you suddenly find all of your partners jokes really really annoying, you are, in fact, getting what you want most; which is misery, which loves company by the way. "If I can't have what I want, I'm going to take my partner down with me!" We don't always do this consciously, in fact most of the time we don't even realize we are doing it. It doesn't mean we don't love our partner, it just means we didn't get what we really needed. Being self-aware about what you want most, will help you define what you need. Getting your needs met, in all areas of your life, reinforces your happiness. This concept is an easy one when you are trying to make a decision between two parallel options, such as choosing between 2 different companies to work for, or whether you need more sleep or you want to go running or whether you feel like ice-cream or churros (always choose churros with ice-cream.) However, when you are making big life choices across many genres, it can be much harder to define, and if you aren't clear on what you want most, your needs often go unmet. This is where self-sabotage steps in and you will find yourself getting in the way of what you think you want. Unfortunately without some self-awareness, you get left in limbo until you figure out what it is you really do want.

You may need to be more healthful, however you don't want to go running; so you choose sleep. Maybe running just isn't your sport, however if you set your alarm an hour earlier and laid out a Sweating to the Oldies DVD, you might find that trumps the snooze button. (In an Instagram worthy ironic sort of way.)

Maybe you want a new job, and managed to get yourself "laid-off" but without knowing what you really want you find yourself unemployed and sending out resumes using the spray and pray method, taking the very first life-saver someone throws at you. Eventually the novelty of the new job wears off and you find yourself back in the same predicament. Getting honed in on your self awareness is the key to figuring out what you really want so you know where to focus your attention and energy.